Things have been going pretty well for the old Horn lately. Got a raise recently and a few bonuses have rolled in over the past two months. So I decided it was high time to treat myself. Time to lavish myself in excess. With this type of sick cash rolling in I want to be just dripping in diamonds and flamboyant hats. I want to look like Elton John and Lady GaGa got together to have a yard sale and I backed up the van. It is time to start showing the world I’m better than everyone with my outward appearance and not just leave it to my blog that I don’t think anyone reads anymore. It’s time, to get a fur coat!

I’m no monster so I wanted to make sure my fur coat was totally organic. The weather was a bit nasty yesterday so I put on my old boring didn’t-used-to-be-alive coat and made my way down to the neighbourhood with the most hippies. I saw a lively little store that didn’t have plumes of pot smoke rolling out the open door and decided to inquire within. The gentleman looked a bit confused at my request for my new fur coat to be organic, so I said in a stern voice that I would only be comfortable in a coat that had been grain fed and allowed to live in a free range environment. Again, he hesitated. Apparently most people aren’t as environmentally responsible as I am because he didn’t seem to have a quick answer for me. Finally he looked up and said, “So you mean like a pet? The pet of some child on a farm somewhere? Um yeah, this one just came in from a big farm where the animal spent its life frolicking in the fields and having a young boy nuzzle it’s wet little nose when there was thunder.” That’s perfect I said, just perfect.

Organic always costs more, but I didn’t mind paying extra for peace of mind. It’s the only way I would feel comfortable. And I mean really comfortable, the fur is so supple when it has been hugged a lot.

audience of one
Clark