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Brain Transfer

June 12th, 2002

I went to the bank at lunch today to transfer some money from one account to another. Sounds like a simple transaction eh? Not so my friends.

I entered the rope barricade corral with the rest of the sheep, and waited for my turn. There were 6 tellers on duty, 2 of which were male. Of the 4 female tellers, I saw only one who had the firm body of investment knowledge that I look for… when transferring funds.

Luck was with me today, and when my turn came, I was directed to the teller with the nice asset management skills. I puffed my chest out ever so slightly, and explained to her what I needed to do. She smiled. I smiled. Things were going well.

Then she just kept on smiling. She didn’t pick up a pen, nor did she grab a form to fill out. The silence grew thick with awkwardness. Maybe she didn’t hear me?

I repeated to her that I needed to “T-R-A-N-S-F-E-R S-O-M-E F-U-N-D-S”. This time she gave me a confused “O… K…” and started looking anxiously around the room. I’m no bankologist, but this should be simple right?

Wrong. Five minutes later I was no closer to my goal. The sack of hammers behind the counter was having problems sharpening a pencil. I shook my head in disappointment, my vision of her now crushed. Good looks won’t get you too far when you’re dumber than a mute potato.

Her performance only improved from there. I stared incredulously as she absent-mindedly drew little swirls on my transfer slip. Hello? I’m still here right? I think it’s great that my bank has an equal opportunity policy for idiots, but seriously, this girl had less I.Q. than the alphabet. Does anyone understand how these people get jobs?

I finally broke down, filled out the form myself, and told her where to initial it. Unbelievable.

Smarter than a sack of hammers

-CLARK

SC::

Going to the bank sucks. Yet I always see some hotties which makes me think twice about "depositing" some serious financial meat, I mean funds.

Hasbro::

It’s true, there are always hot girls at the bank, but I find the girls at the welfare office are a little less discriminating.

You know what would really bring in the bank? Clarks_opinion.ca, that’s what…

DB::

Hey dumbass, why didn’t you just use your little plastic bank card to do it yourself?

when horses are this lame, they shoot em.

Sky::

I think banks are just tools used by the capitalist fat-cats and corrupt politicians to destroy the dynamic human spirit. There just not in line with the cosmos.

A.C. Slater::

Clark I’m pickin up what you’re puttin down. I actually spent my entire HOUR LONG lunch break at my bank trying to find out why a check was reversed even though it wasn’t NSF. The bank’s initials aptly describe their service: B.M. Keep up the good work preppy.

Saved by the bell,

Slater

Rita::

Sky, your comment was about as airy-fairy as your name….what the hell are you talking about??? Also, I think you need to refer back to your "Home Schooling for Hippies" manual to learn the difference between "there", "their" and "they’re"….

No Moves::

Rita,

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Chelsea Ray *Our Penthouse Playmate!*::

Don’t look for my pics on www.forbiddenskin.com..I‘m going to get myself a job at a bank!!!

Rita, you’re not very nice.

and sorry boys; I have big guns like you would never believe, but you’ll never hear from me again.

Chelsea

Clark::

DB - You know the old saying about making assumptions right?

"Don’t do it or Hornbell will pay you a visit and you’ll have the unique opportunity to taste your intestines."

I was transferring from a GIC. You can’t do that from the machine.

Dumbass.

Austin::

Hey Clark,

You shouldn’t put down other peoples intelligence… I mean lets face it you aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Clark::

Hey Austin,

I’m going to let that slide since I saw you on the news last night, and feel sympathy for your situation. It’s not fair that they won’t let you marry that sheep. Who do they think they are denying you a marriage license? Love is all that matters right?

Austin::

Clark your right. To think they won’t let your mom and I get married. It is an outrage and I won’t stand for it. Don’t worry Clark love will find a way.

Rita::

Chelsea Ray, I am sorry to hear that you won’t be frequenting this site anymore, and using it to exploit some porn site that you are supposedly on. I must admit that I am concerned about your future as a "hot bank teller", as you and I both know that you’re actually some overweight, middle-aged man with a back hair problem.

So are you single???

Hasbro::

Could somebody put a fucking leash on Rita already?

Jesus kid, you gotta get laid SOON.

Chelsea, feel free to come "advertise" with Hasbro.org

JM::

Hi everyone, i’m new at this and i found your article very interesting. But Clark, there’s nothing wrong with having a good rail from another animal. I think you should give Austin a break.

DB::

IF you were more attractive, they probably would let you do it from the ATM.

I can do it from mine.

loser

SurfBro::

You’re right about the horses. Just wondering if you were next…

Sleazy Sarah::

"Smarter than a sack of hammers" - barely.