I’ve got to be honest here. Sometimes I don’t always tell the truth on this blog. At times I might even exaggerate, embellish, bend, and even erotically massage the truth. Like that time I said I wasn’t good-looking/smart/athletic/God’s perfectly packaged gift to womankind, those were all very obvious lies. You remember.

Today though, today is going to be all about the truth. Every word of this story will be true. There will be moments where you’ll gasp and say “that’s not true!” but in fact it will be true. All of it.

Buckle up.

The bookstore can be boring at times. So boring that you’re ready to invite the Witnesses in to talk Jehovah. Believe it. A few days ago though it was the most maddening place on Earth and all because of this one girl. She disguised herself as someone cute and perky when she walked in but soon the crazy started to seep out. “I’m just here to look around” she said after I offered her some help. Then over the next 2 hours I watched her sit on the floor in front of book shelf after book shelf taking out book after book, flipping through a few pages then stacking them on the floor.

Then after she’d worked her way though half of our inventory she waved me over and said, “you guys don’t have what I want.” I figured if I was going to have to re-shelve pile after pile of these books so should the competition. “There is a Chapters just one block over if you want to check there. It’s in the Pitt St. Mall.”

HER: “I don’t know where that is.”

ME: “Go out the front door take a right, then a right on King, then a right on Pitt and you’re there. Can’t miss it.”

HER: “Is King the street with that homeless guy who could totally get a job but he just sits there and begs instead and it’s like so pathetic.”

ME: “King is the one you’ll hit when you take a right out our door.”

HER: “So right, left, right???”

ME: “Nope, just keep hanging rights whenever you hit an intersection and you’ll be there.”

HER: “Where is it?”

ME: (I take her by the shoulders and am pointing the turns out to her now) “Out our front door take a right (I turn her right), then you hit King and take a right (I turn her right), then you hit Pitt and take a right (I turn her right for the final time), then you’re there. Can’t miss it.

HER: “Is it in Pitt Street Mall? I know where that is.”

And that’s when my head exploded. No word of a lie.

still shaking my head
Clark